The Chairty Event I Was Allowed to Drink At That Sucked.

When I had got offline we went to a charity event where I planned on doing lots and lots of drinking. But half way through my attempt at getting hammered my mother got a call on her cellphone; my Uncle Martin had died.

So yeah. Since I'm not going back to college until about mid-week I'll be stuck with dial-up until then, and as well, I might not have a muse for posting.

My uncle died yesterday, so yeah... (it was a sudden death too. We're still waiting to hear back from the coroner about what happened.)

But when shit happens like this my muse likes to go to extremes; either I'll swear off roleplaying for days at a time or I'll get so absorbed in roleplaying I'll have over ten threads going.

As a side note, by the time we left Uncle Martin and Aunt Maria's house I was sober again. And I really, really wish I wasn't.

I'm very worried about my cousins, especially Deanna, the second youngest in that family. Valerie, Paula, (those two showed up later, it took them a while to get home from University) and Rachel were all switching between bawling and zoning out (Paula did a lot of zoning out, she almost fainted, too. PS she's the anorexic one). But Deanna... she wasn't crying. She wasn't zoning out. She was helping to make coffee for everyone and comforting her mom and sisters, talking about how she was going to take a year off from school (she's in gr. 12, going to university next year) to take care of her mom, calling relatives to let them know, etc., etc... she was basically being the strong one.

...Just like I was.

And that's why I'm worried most about her. Because that road... it's probably the darkest one. Because when you're on it, you're completely, utterly alone. And, naturally, you don't tell anyone you are. You keep it inside, because you need to be strong for your family. And as you help your family get back up on their feet, you're still sinking. To use a metaphor, think like the black knight. Whereas everyone else would be like "AAAAH I'M BLEEDING WHERE'D MY ARMS GO?!" he was like, "'Tis just a flesh wound." When obviously, it wasn't. =\ And even when argued with, he stuck with saying he was fine. Yeah. It's like that. A lot like that.

So I'm really, really worried for her.

When we went to leave, I told all of my cousins that if they ever needed to talk to me, I'd gladly listen and help any way I could. They all just sort of nodded, except Deanna. She smiled and said "Yeah, I'll probably take you up on that." ...which was a good feeling. It means she's already not as bad as I was. I really, really hope she does take me up on that. Because I have a feeling that she'll really need it. Before we left I also let Aunt Maria know that we're all there for her; she has a big, close family with lots of support. That really helps in times like these.

But I'm also kinda worried about Rachel, because she turns 16 soon (on Tuesday, I think?) ...so that's gotta be the worst.



But another person I'm worried about is my dad.
He... I can't actually tell if he took it well or not. It switches back and forth, but so slightly I barely notice. I'm not sure how he's doing... this is the second brother he lost; my Uncle Henry died when he was 16 (before I was born, of course), and now Uncle Martin died. Henry was the second youngest boy, Martin the third youngest in their family (dad's the youngest). So I can see how that might suck some, because when dad suddenly didn't have an also-kinda-the-youngest-boy he started hanging out with Martin more. And now he's gone, too. ;_;

This is no fun.

;_;