"This news shocked me too when my brain first reported it."
- Myself

Thursday, December 4, 2008


this is the last time I'll be able to post before I'm off for the holidays. I'm going home tonight, and tomorrow afternoon mom's driving me back so I can take my last exam.

My monitor is driving me crazy. It keeps flickering darker and brighter, the bottom left corner is like, perma-dark, and it flickers really fast DX I might have a seizure. Baaah. Lappytop! Why are you letting me down so suddenly?!

Ah well. Anyways, I'm fairly certain I passed my Plant ID final exam (which was, as it turns out, worth 20%). And I got my final project back for that class and I got a 98%, so that's good. The only marks I lost were on formatting, because apparently, according to my teacher, titles are only supposed to have capital letters at the very start and no where else >3> ...wtf man. Ah well. Still got a 98% so I'm not gonna bitch.

Anyways, nearly three days and no nail biting, yaay!
And Jess; nailpolish doesn't work. Even that highly-toxic looking chrome nail polish didn't stop me when I tried to stop, way back in the day.
Instead I got this raunchy nail biting stuff tah goes on invisible but smells like rotton bananas and tastes like I wanna shoot myself. Yeah, that bad. It even lingers to the point where a litre of gingerale took absolutely none of the nasties away off my tongue. It makes me not want to put my hands anywhere near my mouth. Yeah.

Anyways, I'm off then. since I probably won't post between now and Jan. 8th (day I'm back at school) have a goof holiday, guys =3

PS if you need to contact me at all during the holidays, my home phone number is still
519-882-3999 and my cell is... er... holp up lemme check...

So yeah. whenever you guys are off and wanna call me try those numbers out. If I'm not home, you'll probably get me on my cell-o-fone. If that doesn't work either, leave a message on my cell and I'll call ye back probably not too much later, yup. =3 'cause seriously, I wanna see you guys - all of you guys - at least ONCE over the holidays.

BYE! <3

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

no bacon u no bite ur nialz!!!!1

After showering and then sprucing p my blog a little (and putting on some clean socks, my feets are feeling happies), I feel a bit better. Not by much, but this feeling of angst is no longer so interollerable. I feel like "let's just get this over with" instead of "I wanna curl up to sleep and never wake up again (except for Christmas)".

But yeah, anyways, the point in this entry:

I'm trying to stop biting my nails. Again. Just like I did about two years ago around this time (remember when I was so proud that my nail could touch the table when I poked it with my finger? yeah, that didn't last long...)
And I have decided that, as extra motivation, I will count how many days I've been "bite free". So far it's three. If I can make it to 30, I'll do something rewarding. Like, maybe I'll put off getting that Star Wars game until I haven't made my fingers bleed for a month straight. Haha, yeah, there's motivation! (But... I dunno... if I could take having to wait for Kit Fisto... I mean... Star Wars that long). And then, if I can make it, say, another 20 or 30 days, I'll do something epic, like donate $100 bucks or something to like breast cancer research or something. And then, if I can go even longer, I'll do something OUTRAGEOUS and CRAZY! (say the last three words in Scat Cat's voice (yes, the jazz musician from the Aristocats) ...liiike... dye my hair green? X3 I dunno. Haven't thought it trough entirely yet, but these are ideas I'm playing with. i need motivation to not bite my nails, and I need motivation to STAY not biting them. Because seriously, it's getting. so. painful. DX

but yeah.

bed time, then up in the morning to study/cram for Plant ID before exam.



FUCK YOU MONITOR. WHY IS THE LEFT HALF (spec. bottom corner) GONE ALL DARK?! FUCK! WHY DO YU FLICKER AND SUCK SO MUCH?! o_o the rest of my lappytop is still like, perfectly. o_o why the most important paaaaart?

PS The lyrics that are now at the top/bottom/title of my blog are from the song "Promise Broken" by Deric Ruttan. Such a pretty song <3

-sighs heavily-

Y'know... that feeling you get sometimes... where you just want to go home, curl up in your blankets, and sleep for a month or two?

...That's how I feel right now. I'm not just tired physically, I'm tired mentally, and probably emotionally as well (though I'm not sure, as my emotions are never very prominent and even when they are they're so incredibly lacking). I just want to go home and just not exist to the world for a while. It would be so, so nice...

i know I gotta study for plant ID tomorrow, but I just can't do so. I finally convinced myself to, and as I was flipping through the pictures and notes, and only really focusing on memorizing botanical names, I just... couldn't do it. It wasn't that I couldn't focus, it's just that it felt like a waste of time. My brain just didn't want to absorb anything.

So now I'm posting about my depression in my blog... dear gods I'm turning into quite the angsty little emo...

This exam, which everyone (even the teacher) had been saying was only worth 10%, well... tonight at supper I mentioned it and a girl at our table who was, apparently, a second year Horticulture student just looked at me as if I was the biggest idiot ever and said "No, the final exam is worth 20% or 25% or something." I asked her if she was sure, because even Lowen had told us that it was only ten percent. She just kept staring at me (Good grief, I wanted to punch her), and just nodded.

And now I'm so confused.

I can't find my class mark breakdown sheet thing we got on the first day ANYWHERE, so I'm pretty much well almost freaking out here. If it is worth 20-25%, and I've spent the past two weeks trying to keep myself BREATHING by reminding myself it's only 10%... well, let's just say if these palpitations get any worse my heart murmur is gonna cause some shit, and I'll be in the hospital. Which won't be so bad, because then I won't have to write this omgit'sgonnakillme exam.

So yeah. Trying to study, not working. I just wanna go home and sleep the rest of my life away (except maybe wake up for Christmas). Because seriously, this shit fucking sucks. I hate this program.

I tell my mom at least once a week that I'm unhappy here, that although the classes are educational and I don't mind them, I just hate the overall program. It's getting worse and worse as I go, too, and I often try to talk to my mother about how I don't like it here. Each time I try to talk to her all serious about this, she just laughs and goes "Yooouuu liike it theeereee. Besides, everyone else tells me they hear you like it there!"

"Yeah, mom, because I lie to them so they won't be all concerned and asking all these stupid questions and trying to comfort me. I'm not happy when I'm there."

And, of course, she keeps going on and laughing like I'm just joking or something. wtf. srsly, woman. Hear me out, even just once. Why do you think I like coming home on the weekends? Certainly not to see you. I come home because I prefer you and your cruel, upsetting disbelief of my words to Ridgetown. ...Yeah, it's that bad.

but anyways, I've ranted long enough. I'm going to go over my plant list again, get some sleep, and set my alarm for an hour earlier. Because fuck this, I'll get a good night's sleep and do my studing/cramming in the morning.

Night, all. -sighs heavily-

Wish me luck.

Exam update!

My exams:
Monday: Soil Principles, 9am-11am, RDC Building Gym.
Tuesday: Applied Mathematics, 9am-11am, RDC Building Gym.
Wednesday: Applied Plant Sciences, 9am-11am, RDC Building Gym.

Thursday: Plant Identification I, 9am-11am, Agronomy Building room 126
Computer Applications I, 10.30am-12pm, Reek Building room 110
Friday: Landscape Management, 2pm-4pm, RDC Building Gym

So I'm half done, and now the only really difficult exam I have left is Plant ID. That's the one I'm fretting. I was getting all worked up about it, but then I realized something... every test in that class is worth 12% of my final mark. My final exam is... 10%. So really, I can be MORE relaxed about this than I was about the tests. As long as I just go over the 150 plants I learned this semester I should be alright, just so I can get a refresher on some of the botanical names.

But yeah. Plant Science was thankfully on the easy side, and I didn't need the full 2 hours at all (only took me half an hour, haha).

But yeah. Computers should be easy, but I'm still "wtf"ing over the fact it runs into my Plant ID time DX As for Landscape management, well, I'm not sure what to expect from that one. That class is one of those classes that no amount of studying could prepare you for. And while you're writing tests for that class, you have SOME idea of what the answer should be, and once you narrow it down a bit it's up to guessing (and I'm not just saying that, it's like that for everyone in the class). So it's not hard, but it's not easy. It's... indeterminate. Yes, that's a good word. Indeterminate.

But only two more days and I can go home. -exhales-

Okay, one more day. I'm going home tomorrow night, for the annual CWL skit night! Gods, I'm so excited for that. Pot luck supper, silent auction, penny sale, but most of all the SKITS! Gods, those ladies are so funny. If it ran for more than two or three hours I don't care, I'd still sit there and watch. They're awesome, and they're hilarious.

But anyways, mom said she could drive me back up on friday for my two o'clock exam, then she was going to go to Chattam, and come back whenever she was done there (probably around the same time I'd be done).

But yeah. After friday, if I even have my laptop here then, don't expect any updates from me for like, a month XD Unless I can get my dial-ups to likes blogger, which every attempt to do so has thus far failed. Ah well.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


It's looking through galleries like this one that remind me of just how much I love Trinity Blood. Not only is the art freakin' amazing, but I love pretty much well all of the characters. (some more than others, obviously) and flipping through this gallery made me realize that Seth is my favourite character, art-wise. Fighting-wise, I'm pinned to Father Hugh for life X3 <3 ...plot-wise, I'd have to say I like Father Abel. Personality-wise, Sister Noel gets it hands down. I was so sad when she died. T_T so sad. Humor-wise, the professor gets it, fo sho. For being all around badass, well, that's Father Tres - I mean, c'mon, robot priests? ftw! For being KICK-ass I'd have to go with Asta. The character I still hate most and always shall hate most is Ester. Seriously. I hatehatehate Ester. For my favourite sibs, i'll go with the only Sibs - Cain, Abel, and Seth. (haha, I know, their names are funnier. It's funnier in the end when Cain kills Abel.)

From left to right we've got Fr. Abel (silver hair), Fr. Tres (short brown hair), Lady Catarina (the Cardinal (red robes)), Sister Kate (brown hair, lol she's a hologram), Sister Noel (black hair), Father Hugh (-squeals and wriggles-), Fr. holyshitIcan'trememberhisname (shaggy black hair, looks like a convict 'cause he was one), The professor (dude with the pipe), and Fr. shitcan'trememberhisnameeither.

But yeah. For girls Seth, Sister Noel, Asta and Lady Catarina are ftw. For guys, Fr. Hugh, Fr. Abel, the prof, Fr. holyshitIcan'trememberhisname, super-bishounen-guy-that-tries-to-kill-Catarina, and I suppose Cain are ftw. For robots, obvious, Tres! XD

Seth! <3

Faaaaathhheeerrrrr Huuuuuggggghhhhh! It's because of him that ep. 6 is my favorite episode. X3 He's WAY too kickass. <3 <3 <3

I'm going to go back to looking through this gallery. Trinity Blood's artwork is almost as amazing as it's plot, and not quite as amazing as it's characters. <3 (but it does do them justice)

Monday, December 1, 2008


Gaia beat you toooo iiiiiiit~

Novels, Exams and Beer! Oh my, indeed.

Had I been able to have Sunday to my onesy self, I would have been able to finish. But alas, as soon as church was out, parental units decided to take me out for brunch. So, being out of the house from about 8.45 til about 1.00 took a heavy toll on my time. Then, we had the Verberne family Christmas party at 2.00 (first one in ten years, kinda important to go, y'know?) and didn't get home until 11.00, at which point I promptly went to bed because I had an exam today (I didn't even drink, tcch!)

Which resulted in a final word count of 26,000 (never got to update it on the site).

Which sucks ass. I was so sure I coulda done it this year. f@#$ing Ridgetown.

My exams:
Monday: Soil Principles, 9am-11am, RDC Building Gym. (COMPLETED!)
Tuesday: Applied Mathematics, 9am-11am, RDC Building Gym.
Wednesday: Applied Plant Sciences, 9am-11am, RDC Building Gym.
Thursday: Plant Identification I, 9am-11am, Agronomy Building room 126
Computer Applications I, 10.30am-12pm, Reek Building room 110
Friday: Landscape Management, 2pm-4pm, RDC Building Gym

Either I need to finish it or find a way to get it home without it going flat. Only 8 left and only 3 days to drink it. What am I to doooo? (Only 3 because on Thursday I'm probably going home for the annual CWL Skit Night/pot luck (always the funniest, most delicious, best part of any December), and of course, I won't be here on friday). Now, the best answer would be to drink two or three beers a day, which I suppose I could do with all this damned free time. But at the same time, I've got no one to drink with because nobody wants to drink this week (except Meagan, but she even told me she's becoming an alcoholic and she wants to stop drinking), and Jenny can't even come watch movies with me this week because I won't let her because she needs to study her ass off DX
Drinking alone is so... emo. And loserish. I really don't want to do it. -sighs-


((Wrote this on Saturday night, saved it in word and just posting it now, since I have interwebs))


And seriously, as much as I hate myself for it I’m TOO... BUSY... WRIGGLING. Seriously. I can’t sit still. I wanna save and close my novel, jump off my couch, dive into the truck and floor it all the way to Sarnia, break into EB Games or Wal Mart or something and GET THAT DAMNED GAME.

Star Wars the Clone Wars: Jedi Factions.

Normally Star Wars games are just like. –shrug, meh– BUT HOLY SHIT FANGIRLFANGIRLFANGIRL. I actually squealed, wiggled, and had a complete mental shut down as I just stared at the TV screen. Seriously, I fucking want that game. Really. Really. Badly.

Like srzly. I FANGIRLED! Severly! I rarely fangirl, and I never do so severely!


But yeah. I fangirled because... well, let’s just say about 20 seconds of that 30 second commercial included clips of a certain nautolan I’m infamous for hearting. A lot.



I would say I know what’s going on the top of my Christmas list, but there’s no way in hell I can wait that long. Lieksrzly, next time I’m in Sarnia first store I’m hitting is any that will have that game. That, and next time I see my sister (which will be tomorrow, Sunday) I’m going to demand that I get my DS back. Because I can’t play that game unless I have my DS to do so DX

Neeeeed DS... neeeeeed Jedi Factions... neeeed my fangirl fix... wauuuuugh.... –shakes- Like srzly. Can’t. Sit. Stiiiiiill. Saaaave me force. DX